Father & I
Tik Tok Tik Tok.......18 more days before I left Terengganu~
My God! 4 years.. it seems like yesterday when I first came to UniSZA.
I don't know what I feel right now, of course I'm excited because I will finish my study and work. But, at the same time, I feel sad to know that I will left my university,my friends, lecturers, my juniors (Borneo). Hmmmmmmm............ no no no, I'm not gonna cry now! (criesinside).
What can I say, the more you're here in UniSZA, more mature you are... like me, before I enter UniSZA, I'm a wild child.. haha (in positive way ok!), cheerful...dependent. 4 years later, I realised, life will changed us, as the saying goes, "people changed with reasons".
I'm an extrovert person before, but I've becomes an introvert now. Haha.. Why? It started on 2012. My father passed away, and I can't forgot it until now. Honestly, I regret my decision until now, Allah~ Why I don't go back to my home during his funeral?? Because I was a fool that time, I thought I'll be okay if I didn't go back home during his funeral. I thought I'll be okay as long as I'm with my friends, because I was too dependent on them.
Yeah... the first month is still okay for me, but... the feeling of "losing someone" and "incomplete" starts at the next month when you start to realised the person is no longer in this world. the feeling starts when you have his number, want to call and hear his voice but you can't call him because you know, he's already gone. The feeling getting worst when you call your mom and you try to control your emotion because I know, my mother is the weakest person after she lost her 70 years partner and you can't ask her "Mom, where's dad"
When it becomes worst, I starts to estranged myself from others, from my "so-called" friends. I becomes quiet and gloomy, until one of my "so-called" friend says "You are crazy".
YES.. I am crazy... I almost suffered from mental illness. Sometimes, I'll cried in the midnight like crazy at the bathroom but no one noticed. When I looked an old man I will think about my father and I will get jealous when I saw a girl with her father and I will curse "I hope your father will die". My gloomy face makes my "so-called" friends to go away from me and leave me alone. It's okay, because they only want my "happiness" but not sadness. My grades decreased because of the mental disturbance.
Lalalalala.... it continues to happen for 2 years before Allah gives me hidayah to changed myself and realised that I shouldn't like this. I got motivation from other people who CARE about me. I got the strength to rise because I realised that I still has my mother who needs me. And from what happen to me gives me light to know who is the real friend and who is not. What happen to me makes me to becomes an independent, mature and free. It changed me to be a better person than before,and I hope this will last forever.
Love you Bapak <3
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